Made in China

Last night, we went to a shopping mall nearby and stumbled upon this section where most things for sale were made in China. While browsing, I stumbled upon this device and was trying to figure out what it was. The Bollywood looking couple pictured didn't give away any clue to the description of "Cure Sleepiness Right Away" and "To Prevent Traffic Accidents, To Ensure Driving Safety":

So I flipped the package to see "The Description of Products" and was blown away by the first sentence.

Wow! Never underestimate cervical vertebra disease (especially from near sighted-staff members). And they seem to have something against students!

If you can't read it, it says:

"Dolphin's fish's little sentry" was designed by near-sighted, staff member's cervical vertebra disease in order to prevent students. You so long as suitable position after ear are hung by it, it you in studying or bend over one's desk and write, operate computer level the bad position of sitting for a long time. Ensure eyesight, and remind the driver to doze off while driving tiredly, guarantee the security. "Dolphin fish little sentries" consist of each push away and hold up, it sets up suitable angles in advance go beyond range to send out melodious voice remind.

After being enlightened to remind the driver to doze off while driving tiredly (but it says to ensure driving safety!), we found another apparatus:

What on earth is a "Pull out a Vacuum apparatus"? It's a good companion to health, by the way.

And the instructions were just as clear:

1. employment front, first bottle top end valve the pole (something) up to withdraw once, commitment air unblocked.

2. gasp the gun muzzle set the vacuum to live the empress of a top end, perpendicularity to with draw to pull to pull the pole 4 times or so, attain the adquacy negative press.

3. the employment end to rise the bottle, bottle top end valve the pole lightly bring up, and the bottle have the then commendable bottom.

4. human body less the part or furriery, brothers, joint can use the edible to make into a turn the mat place a bottle bottom then each to seal completely the result.

Laughing so hard, we turned around and spotted this one too:

How about a Pull Reducer that is strong and handsome? It had instructions at the back of it too but it's a bit long so I'll leave that out.

Then we saw these hooks which were not very polite:

It got worse when we saw what was displayed next to this Man & Woman Hooks. So wrong, just so wrong... a happy bear looking like a flasher.