Scent

My Ama (Mum's mum) passed away on Sunday 26 June, 05 at 7:45pm at Aunt Poh Gek's home in JB. I got the news just as I was trying to sleep after reaching home from Kuching.

Last night, 27 June, we held an eulogy for her, with speeches from those who weren't able to make it; Lawrence and Kelvin. The flood of memories of her days with us were rekindled with each loving sentence.

Today, we buried her in Kulai at the Nirvana Memorial Park. It was heart wrenching as we watched the coffin being lowered and finally covered. We shed tears and went back.

It was not until Mum came to ask me if I wanted any of her clothes. I know she has some lovely nyonya tops and I thought I'd take a peek at them. As soon as I opened the cupboard, the smell which only belonged to Ama hit me and my eyes drank in all her familiar clothes. The last straw was seeing her beloved hand bag, which she would always tote along with her, her unopened bottle of tiger balm and new boxes of bedak sejuk, all her signature possessions.

I just stood there and sobbed uncontrollably until Mum came in to see how I was progressing. I told her I couldn't do it, I couldn't touch her clothes without thinking about her, I couldn't whiff her scent without bringing back sharp memories of her. As at now, I still haven't really found the privacy to give in to grieve.

At this point, I can't write out any of my memories of her.